tripcode: lucky !!mIkQKId1xYu

It started about two summers ago right after I got out of school. My life was going nowhere. I had been eighteen for a few months, only had one girlfriend in my entire life (and she was online and from Korea), and that even didn't work out because I found out she was just using me for money to support her porn site.

It was my final summer before going across country to my university on the east coast, and I couldn't wait to leave. All eighteen years of my life so far were boring, tedious, and only ended with me feeling like shit. My best and only friend friend, Ryan, had already left for his new school in Texas, so I was stuck alone with my family all summer.

My Mom's claim to fame was that she had the biggest collection of McDonald toys in the state. It wouldn't have annoyed me so much, but the entire living room was filled with toys that six-year-olds played with. I didn't know why she collected this shit, but it pretty much made it sure that I couldn't bring any girls to my house forever.

How was I going to tell anyone that my Mom was slightly obsessive over the new Hot Wheel series coming out at McDonalds, and that was the reason why I had shelves of small toys in my room. It really wasn't a good way to show a girl that you weren't really as nerdy as people thought you were at school.

My Dad, on the other hand, was a pervert. He loved my Mom more than anything in the world and would never cheat on her, but I wish he did. When I came home half the time, he would be atop of her in the living room, having sex right in front of me with their clothes off. My Dad told me at a young age that sex was a natural thing and that he shouldn't be ashamed to show it in front of his kids. Yeah, that worked when I was twelve, but not when I was eighteen.

Finally was my older sister. She was twenty, lazy, and never left her room. We had been together ever since I was born, with us having combining rooms with a door in the middle, but she never really left it anymore except for dinner and to go to the bathroom. She didn't do terrible in high school, but she had been living off my Dad's salary for the last few years. Never had a boyfriend. She wasn't hideous or anything, but she didn't really try to make herself look better than she was.

I didn't know what she did in her room, but I had some ideas. One time, when she wasn't home for once and was out with my Mom, I opened the door that was in between our rooms, and looked to see what she was doing inside. Her computer was on, and she had pictures of naked scene chicks on the screen, kissing. The room was a mess, and her clothes were splattered all along the floor. Not wanting to see anymore, I walked out of the room and never looked back.

This summer was going to be good. I had three months off before I had to go to school, and I was ready to relax and do nothing all the time. I would be just like my sister. Laying back, playing on my computer, and looking at naked scene chicks making out on my screen.

That was until I came home one day from the arcade and found my Dad sitting with my Mom on the living room couch. Not having sex, which was a good thing, but they looked series which meant something big had happened.

I sat down, wanting to know what was going on, and my Mom was smiling. She said that she and my Dad found me a summer job before going off to college. They 'knew' that I needed some more money before going, so they explained that it was a great opportunity to learn a few things before going off.

To me, this was insanity. Why did I have to work when my lazy sister got to stay home and masturbate to lesbian porn? I tried to bring that up, but my Dad said that me and my sister were totally different people. My Mom added that she was at McDonalds looking for the new toy that just came out, and I almost freaked out. Did she sign me up to work at McDonalds?

Luckily, she had not. She said that she was walking out, mad that they didn't have the new stupid dinosaur in, and saw the place right next to McDonalds. It was one of those shitty half arcade-half pizza place things. You know like Chuck-E-Cheese? Kids come, make a mess, eat pizza, and fuck up your life.

Apparently, they had a job opening and looking for teenagers to fill in for the summer. And guess who went in and took my own life into her own hands? Yes, my Mom. She went in, said how charming it was, and asked if I could have the job. Knowing that almost no other kid would want to take this job, the manager said I could have it even though I wasn't fucking there.

I tried to get out of it, but it was too late. My Mom said I worked on Monday, and my Dad agreed. I pleaded that I had other things to do, had a girlfriend, etc, but my father laughed at me and said I never had a girlfriend. My Mom even added insult to injury when she said that she thought I was homosexual.

Knowing they had won and controlled everything in my room, I gave up and went back to my room. On Monday, I would officially be a member of 'Pirate Land Pizza', and I had no say against it.

Hip hip hooray for me...Yeah, fuck my life.

Monday came quickly. The three days of doing nothing but masturbating, watching porn, and eating came to an end, and I hated when I got woken up in the morning by my crazy mother. She came in a horn, like she use to do to me as a kid, and honked it into my ear to wake me up.

She said that a new start of my life was just beginning, and I had to get up. I wanted to tell her to fuck off, but I knew if I did that she would cry, and I would feel like a prick for making my own Mom cry. Throwing on the shittiest clothes I had, hoping they would get me fired, I walked a few blocks to where this Pirate Land Pizza was.

When I got there, I was hoping a gun would drop from the sky and let me shoot myself in the head with it. This place might have been, no, it was, the stupidest looking place I had ever seen. It was rundown as hell, the gigantic pirate head that stood tall over the place, looking like it had been up there for centuries. Instead of having two eyes and an eye patch, it had an eye patch and a hole where an eye used to be. It had 'PIRATE LAND PIZZA' across the front of the restaurant, and I was surprised that one of the letters weren't stolen. Pictures of pizza and pirates were on the windows, how original, and told about the great birthday parties you could have if you came there.

Walking in with nothing but crappy clothes and a crappy look on my face, I saw the inside of hell. It was like Chuck-E-Cheese, but the ripoff version. There was one guy dressed up as a pirate at the door, acting in-character, and welcomed me into the place by saying, 'Welcome to Pirate Land Pizza! If you don't have a great time, I'll have to make you walk the plank!'

I knew the guy was suicidal by the way he looked at me. You could see the sorrow in his eyes. He was probably twenty-six-years-old and had nothing else but this job. It made the depression over this job even worse.

I had to meet with the boss before anything else happened. The place didn't open up until 3:00 PM, but before I could do anything, I had to be cleared by the manager of the whole place. The manager was fucking scary. He was also dressed as a pirate, and he must have been ninety-years-old.

Asking how I was, I said I was fine, and he wanted to know what other experiences I had in working. I told him the truth and said that I only worked once when I was 14 and gotten fired when I took one of the bunnies home as a pet.

Even with my terrible past and lack of experience, he hired me on the spot. He gave me a tour of the place, and I looked at the four main areas of Pirate Pizza Land.

There was the Game Area. This is where all the kids came to waste their parents money by playing games that would only amount in some shitty toy worth 10% of what they spent on the games. They had the usual shit like the water shooting game, the one where you throw basketballs into the basket, Dance Dance Revolution, and skiball, so it wasn't really that different from what I had seen from other places.

The second area was the Eating Area. This was positioned right next to the Game Area. While the kids went off to play games, the parents got a treat by eating the rubbery pizza that was served here. After the kids got bored of the games, they would come over and gulp down some soda with a bit of pizza on the side. It was also pretty normal except the tables were wobbly, the booth seats were hard and uncomfortable, and the tops of the tables looked they had been carved in by knives a thousand times over.

Thirdly, there was hellhole known as the Play Area. They had a slide, a ball bit, and one of those things that you go into and get stuck if you're too big. I knew this place very well because it looked exactly like the one at the old Chuck-E-Cheese that was here when I was six. I had a traumatic experience with a kid trying to kill me in the ball pit because he thought I stole some of his game tickets.

Finally, there was the Kitchen Area. This was where five guys worked on all the crappy pizza and french fries. It was small and connected right to the place where they handed out the toys for the kids. I looked at the stock of prizes and couldn't help but laugh. When some places had XBox 360's as their top prizes, this place had a Nintendo 64 as it's top prize. If you were lucky enough to get 3,000 tickets, you could be lucky to own something that you could find for $10 in a bin.

Now seeing all the places, I was asked where I wanted to work. I could work the front like the guy that was going to commit suicide before he was thirty; work in the Game Area and make kids don't break out into fights over who won the stupid shooting game; work as a waiter and bring the shitty food to the people; or I could work in the Play Area and make sure to save anyone who could be killed by drowning in the ball pit. I looked at which one would make the least horrible experience with kids, and I said I would be a waiter.

This was the wrong choice, people. When I took the waiter position, I did not know what also would come with it. Walking into the back room with the manager that looked like he could die any second, he showed me to what I had to wear.

No, it was not a pirate suit. It was much worse than a stupid pirate suit.

"This is the one and only Lucky the Pirate Pizza Dog!" the manager exclaimed to me, showing me the pink dog suit that they had behind a bunch of empty brown boxes. I was sure the last Lucky just quit, and they hired me to fill his damn position. Whatever I chose, they would have given me this damn suit. "Sorry if it's a little worn out. We'll give it a wash before you wear it tonight."

"Thanks," I muttered, staring him in the eyes, taking the pink suit, and sitting down on one of the only not empty boxes. "I really look forward to working here."

That night, a kid almost drowned. Why did he, you ask? Blame it on Lucky the Pirate Pizza Dog.

First night at Pirate Pizza Land was approaching, and I took a nap in the backroom for a few hours before my first shift. I wanted to go home, take a shower, and all that, but Paulie, the fossil manager, said that I had to stay because he could need me at anytime. He took the suit to wash, left me in the dusty backroom with all the boxes of trash, and I fell asleep.

When he woke me up it was around 6:00 PM, and he wanted me to start in a few minutes. I could tell it was louder out now and much more bright outside the door, so I knew that it must be pretty packed. Surprising, I didn't think parents would be such bastards to bring their kids to this place. Couldn't they have taken them to somewhere that didn't suck?

Paulie threw me the now supposedly clean Lucky suit, and I started to put it over my clothing. He shook his head, said that I couldn't wear a shirt or jeans under the costume, and said to strip down. I looked at him weird, said that there was no way I was stripping down in front of him, and the old man closed the door and waited for me to be done.

Putting on this suit was awful. This bastard didn't clean it at all. It smelled like pizza, sweat, and vomit. I was going to ask why this guy didn't clean it, but I didn't want to hear some story about some middle-aged guy throwing up in it to start my night. When I had the whole pink costume on, I could barely see. I wiped the dust out of the holes I looked out of it, and I could finally check what I looked like to the world.

Wow, I looked...really gay. Nothing against homosexual people, but I looked like I was going to a pride rally. Lucky the Pizza Pirate Dog was fully in pink, an eye patch, and had a smiling pirate in the center of his chest. The only good thing about this was that no one could actually tell it was me under here.

Getting out of the room, I was attacked with sounds of young kids screaming and smells of terrible pizza. Paulie looked at me, told me that I looked perfect, and patted me on the back. He said to hold on a second, to wait right here, and walked a little bit in front of me with a limp in his right leg.

From somewhere he got a gigantic orange megaphone, turned it up, and screamed, "WELCOME BOYS, GIRLS, AND PARENTS! I AM PROUD TO INTRODUCE LUCKY THE PIRATE PIZZA DOG!"

He was kidding me, right? I thought I was working to be a waiter, not to be some crappy mascot for a crappy food place in the middle of some shitty town that I wanted out of. The kids rushed to me one by one, and I got almost trampled on by some little boy who went right for my leg.

Paulie came over, whispered to talk to the kids for the while, and left me stranded in the middle of demons jumping over me. The parents were with them, but they didn't actually care enough to take them off me. The first kid in line, the one that almost knocked me over, said that he wanted to feel my face. I looked at his parents, they were ignoring the kid like most parents do at places like these, and I held him up to feel my fuzzy face.

He rubbed around for a few seconds, freaking me out, and then punched me straight in the nose and kicked me right in the chest. It didn't hurt, but it sure did annoy the hell outta me. I was going to curse, but I didn't want some bullshit lawsuit about how I abused a child in a big furry pink dog costume.

This went on for another straight hour. Kids would line up, say hello to me, and I would say hi back. Some kids were nice and actually pretty interesting. A little girl said that she had a doll of me at home, and I told her that was very cool. On the other side, there were some really big asshole kids. One kid, about twelve, came up to me, said I was a fake piece of shit (yes, those exact words), and then pointed down to his crotch. His parents were nowhere to be found, and he ran off.

Finally, the crowd was over, and they all went off to eat pizza and play some tedious games. When I thought I could rest, Paulie came over and said that it was time for me to go work in the Play Area.

"What? I thought I was going to be a waiter!" I yelled at him, but then lowered my voice because of some kids looking at me. "I thought I was going to be, you know, picking my job?"

"We're overbooked on waiters tonight, kid. Go to the Play Area with Carlie and be done with it." he said, patting my back again, and then limping off to somewhere to boss around more teenagers. Sighing, I went off to the area where I once had a traumatic moment as a kid.

Getting there, though, I was lucky. Not a lot of kids in this area. There were two boys in the ball pit, throwing them like usual, and one in the maze apparatus, but that was it.

The girl waiting for me and watching over them, Carlie, was a beauty. She wasn't wearing a pirate uniform, but even if she was, I would have wanted to have sex with her. She had long brown hair, blue eyes, and an award winning smile. If she hadn't said hello right when I saw her, I would have probably looked at her breasts.

"Hey, I'm Carlie, did Paulie send you to help?" she asked, a very sweet and innocent voice. She must have not been over the age of sixteen. "You must be the new Lucky."

"Yeah." I told her, putting my hand in front of her and letting her shake it. It seemed much cooler in my head, but in reality it was a big gigantic pink furry shaking the hand of a pretty girl. "What happened to the last Lucky?"

"Tom? He quit," she told me.

"Why he quit?" I asked, interested.

"Well, one day, when he came to work, he was a little on the high side. He was in his costume, like usual, working the Eating Area. Some kids asked him to come over, said that they wanted to show him something, and he did. When he came over, the kids threw soda on him, and he punched a kid."

She started to laugh, but my look inside the suit made me think how fucked up the people in this suit must become.

"He was going to get fired, but he told Paulie to shove it and quit right on the spot. I miss Tom. He was really funny."

I gave off a faked laugh, happy that this suit could hide my fake emotions, and looked at the kids in the area. She was pretty, but she did a terrible job at looking at the kids. Every time I looked at her, she was staring off into space or looking at Paulie for some reason. She was probably scared he would come over and yell at her.

We started a nice conversation about the place. She told me about how tough it is to work here, and I said it did look pretty awful. She added in some good things, like helping kids, but she also wanted to let me know that a lot of the kids were assholes. I agreed, nodding my pink head in agreement.

During this discussion, we hadn't done our job at all. When I finally checked on the kids, one of them was fucking drowning in the ball pit. This was exactly how I was as a kid. I was trying to get out from the balls, but there were too many and took me under! I had to save him, right?

I rushed over, jumped into the rainbow pit of orbs, and picked up the kid with both arms. The other kid started yelling at me, wondering what I was doing, and I looked at the kid I saved. He was fighting to get away from me, screaming why I ruined his game.

"Game?"

"We were playing pirates! HE WALKED THE PLANK, YOU STUPID DOG!" the kid I didn't save screamed, punching me in the ribs and getting out of the pit. The kid I was holding started to cry, and I put him outside the pit.

The worst part was when their parents came over. The Mom was screaming about how I could have killed her little baby, and the Dad was telling me how big of a pedophile I was by touching their son. I apologized, saying that I thought he was drowning, and they only looked at me like I was a freak. Good thing they didn't see my real face. If they did, there would be another reason why a girl wouldn't want to be with me.

Thinking about a girlfriend, I turned to continue my conversation with Carlie after the parents stormed off. She wasn't there, gone, and leaving her post with no one there to take care of the kids.

Needing to know where she was, I walked through the amounts of kids and even had to push one out of the way when he was on the floor, crying over he wanted more money to play the shooting game. I asked the doorman, Suicidal Bill (my nickname for him), where Carlie was, and he said that he saw her go into the backroom about ten minutes ago.

Now knowing this good piece of info, I stalked to the back, maybe ready to get some time alone with Carlie. I was thinking about some things I could say to get her attention. Being alone in the dirty storage room could be a great story to post online as my first kiss.

Opening the storage room door, I saw something even worse than my parents having sex. Carlie and Paulie, the 100-year-old manager, were half naked, atop of each other on the messy floor. I wanted to say something, maybe like, 'YOU FUCKING PEDOPHILE! YOU WHORE!', but nothing came out. She looked at me. He looked at me. Paulie gave me a wink, wanting me to keep his secret, and I gave him a nervous nod. When I closed the door, I could hear a shrill of laughter and a lock being turned.

Great, my boss was more than likely a sexual predator. That's just dandy. The best end of the night was when I went to back to my post, and four different parents were trying to pull out a kid from the maze apparatus. While gone, the kid got stuck in the tube that let him out, and he had been crying for Lucky to save him. Too bad Lucky was off getting his girlfriend hopes killed.

Another attack from parents came, and I had to see the sad face of a child telling me how I was not his hero anymore. He ran off, and I sat alone in the Play Area. No girl. No kids to look after. No nothing. Just another traumatic incident in the Play Area. This time, it was when I was eighteen.

I wondered what the next night could bring?